Babblings and such

Blurred Lines

Vocational ministry is a funny thing.  My job is my ministry and takes up more of my life than an ordinary job would.  And while I do not doubt that there would be plenty of ministry in an "ordinary" job, the lines between work and life are barely visible. 

So here's my struggle.  I could work 24 hours a day and still not do all there is to do.  I desire to be a living sacrifice and not be selfish with my time.  I want to not just hear the Word, but see the Word fleshed out in my life.  I realize that much of worship has to do with work and service.  (For all you Greek and Hebrew scholars, latreo and a'bad).  And yet, there are seasons (like the last couple of weeks) where I am serving and working nonstop and I look back and realize that my time alone with God is the thing being sacrificed.

Last Wednesday in a directors meeting, our Senior Director was telling us about how much God used Pine Cove to chang his life as a college student.  He challenged us to call on the Lord and pray that He would do the same in the lives of the staff and campers that are going to be walking through our gates this summer.  Then he gave us an hour to go, pray, and be with the Lord.  I began to weep and did not stop for the duration of the hour so graciously given.  You see, I realized that in the midst of "ministry" these last three weeks that I had not spent a full hour with God at all without being busy.  It was okay for me to work 14 hour days and not one of those hours had been spent sitting at the feet of Christ, hearing His Word, and praying (so just call me Martha).  It's no wonder that I have felt so drained and empty. That hour was more precious to me than any hour previously spent.

I know that there are a lot of people who walk those blurred lines.  I don't know that the "lines" are meant to exist at all.  But I know why Martin Luther would rise so early to read and pray.  Here's an article that has encouraged me greatly.

"The best antidote for anxiety is frequent meditation upon God's goodness, power and sufficiency. When the saint can confidently realize 'The Lord is My Shepherd,' he must draw the conclusion, 'I shall not want!'" - Arthur Pink

My Dorky Fan Moment

Okay, so I have gone way too long without writing anything.  I have been sitting here for about 30 minutes trying to figure out what I would like to say because there are too many things floating around inside my head.  Sooooo, I decided I would tell you about meeting Derek Webb a few weeks ago. 

Derek Webb was in concert with Judd and Maggie and Sandra McCracken at my church on April Fool's Day.  I made a fool of myself.  It's kind of funny, actually.  You see, I have been listening to Derek's music since 1995 when I heard Caedmon's Call play at a church in the Dallas area.  Since that time God has used his lyrics over and over to encourage me and spur me on.  The dude is seriously brilliant and I am a huge fan.  I can't help myself. 

So, of course after the concert (which was amazing by the way), I had to try to meet him.  My friend David and I went to talk to Judd and Maggie first and Derek was right next to us talking to several fans.  I noticed peeking out of the bottom of his left sleeve the phrase "Soli Deo Gloria" tattooed on his arm.  And I thought to myself, "I'll bet he has all five!"  (Cries of the Reformation, that is)  So, i interrupt him and say, "Oh my goodness!  Can I take a picture of your arm?"  Not "hello."  Not "The concert was great."  Not "your music inspires me to love Jesus more."  Nope.  I asked to take a picture of his arm.  He very graciously replied, "Do you mind if I keep talking while you do?"  And I say, "Sure!  Just roll up your sleeve."  I am a complete dork. 

So, then I try to recover and stand in line to actually talk to the man.  I'm sure he thinks I'm nuts.  However, I did manage to have a decent ten minute  conversation with him.  I don't know that that makes up for it at all, but it has to count for something.

Grace

"Grace is a provision for men who are so fallen that they cannot lift the axe of justice, so corrupt that they cannot change their own natures, so averse to God that they cannot turn to Him, so blind that they cannot see Him, so deaf that they cannot hear Him, and so dead that He Himself must open their graves and lift them into resurrection."

-G.S. Bishop

Out with the Old and in with the New

It has recently been brought to my attention that if you fail to update your blog for a while, anything you write is exciting.  So today I will be posting a recipe for vegetable soup.  Excited?

Another alternative is that people stop reading altogether.  I hope that is not the case.  If so, I will be sending personal e-mails to all three of my readers begging you to return.

Life has been about as normal as my life ever is these last few weeks.  I have taken on a project that was a bit more than I bargained for.  I am glad to do it... I just think I was a little overzealous.  You see, I have been thinking and praying about how I can be more than just pew warmer in my church.  I never want to be one of those people who come, hear, and walk away without functioning as a part of the body.  This is tricky for me because I work on most Sunday mornings and my schedule is anything but consistent.  So my bright idea was to help give our youth building a face lift.  A silly thing, I know.  But it is something.

About a year ago, some other church members started this project.  The big meeting room looks great.  It is inviting and promotes community.  The rest of the building, however, needs a little help.  Some well meaning students started painting a few of the classrooms.  They had some really cool ideas.  Key word: ideas. My personal favorite is what we affectionately call the "death room."  The original idea was to paint it black and graffiti the walls.  It would have been very cool, except instead of finding someone who could do professional graffiti, they handed spray paint cans to a bunch of Jr. High boys.  The red paint looked like blood.  And the room was DARK.  I apologize that I don't have pictures.  My first order of business was to cover those walls with some KILZ. 

Anyhoo, I picked out some paint colors and have set to painting.  Several girls in the youth group have come to help.  We have painted 11 walls so far.  Only 27 more to go.  See what I mean?  And that's just the paint.  Hopefully we will finish by June...2007.

It is looking good and starting to come together.  What gets me is how much resistence I am getting from a few people.  I think some people resist change for change's sake.  As they get used to the new look, they resist a little less (so maybe taking 2 years to redecorate is not such a bad idea).  What is it in us that drives us to be emotionally attached to the most ridiculous things? 

I am fascinated with that TLC show Clean Sweep.  It's pretty much the same show every time.  Some pack rat family is desperate for help because they can't see the floor in their living room/bedroom/den.  So the Clean Sweep team comes and brings all their junk out on the lawn, while some other workers go inside and remodel.  The consultant argues with the pack rat family for hours about what will be thrown away, given away, and kept.  They finally realize that they have too much stuff and it is taking over their life.  At the end of the show, they reveal the new and improved rooms and everyone is excited and vows to never let their house get like that again. 

When I watch it, I think - I can't believe those people.  And then I realize, I'm not so different.  For me, it's t-shirts.  I have the hardest time throwing them away.  Maybe it's because I'm sentimental and they all remind me of a memory or person.  Maybe I'm just a pack rat.  However, no matter how much I tell myself that it is just "stuff" or that "it will all burn," I hold on to these temporary treasures.  I actually have two boxes of t-shirts from high school and college in my attic.  I will not ever wear them again.  (For some reason, I wore all my t-shirts in college about two sizes too big).  So, now I say that I am saving with the intentions of making a t-shirt quilt.  As if I will ever actually take out the sewing machine and make it.  Clearly, I need help.  Maybe I'll throw my t-shirts all over the floor and call Clean Sweep. 

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

Who Am I?

Apparently, you can figure out if you are aware of your own personality.  Here's my Johari Window.  I'm doing pretty good so far. Feel free to put in your two cents.  Or no sense. 

Reason #472 why I love my job

In case you were wondering, 472 happens to be my go-to exaggerative number.  Some people might say a thousand or a million.  I say 472.  There is no rhyme or reason to this.  It just sounds good to me.

So, on Monday I got an e-mail from my Senior Director of camps asking if I would be available to meet on Tuesday morning.  I wasn't going to come in, but his e-mail was intriguing.  Can I just say that I am glad I went?

There is a certain group of highly influential (not to mention wealthy) people that have come together in an organization called Legacy.  They all hold certain values... patriotism, leadership, compassionate conservatism, Judeo-Christian ethic, etc.  They all make major contributions to charitable organizations.  And while they do not necessarily have to be Christians to be a part of it,  most of them are (kind of like a lot of local churches).  Last year, they held a family retreat in Colorado Springs that is now an annual event. 

Pine Cove's CEO was a seminar speaker last year and has been in cahoots with the retreat coordinator.  Basically, what it boils down to, is that they want us (Pine Cove) to plan the kids program and a few family programs for this retreat.  Did I mention that it is in Colorado Springs?

In the world of Pine Cove, planning something does not always mean that you will be the one to execute it.  However, the further into the planning we went, the more I got excited about what we will be doing.  We basically have free reign over the program, which means we are free to share the gospel as we build relationships with these kids and families through some amazing activities (whitewater rafting, spelunking, horseback riding, and wind tunnels to name a few).  So I let it be known that I would like to be considered as one of the trip leaders. 

To make a long story really long, we have spent almost every working minute (and then some) putting together a proposal for this conference.  And while I would have been okay with planning it and not being there to implement, I found out today that I get to go!  And there was rejoicing in Tyler, Texas. So, around the last weekend in July, I will be traveling (Lord willing) with a team of 20 college staff and 2 other resident staff to Colorado to spend time with, serve, and minister to some really cool people in the name of Jesus Christ. 

And that, my friends, is just another reason why I love my job.

Hear the Word

Confession:

I got a little over zealous with my tax return and bought myself an iPod.  Not just any iPod, but the pretty, black, 30GB, video iPod.  And everyone knows that when you get a new toy, you are obligated to spend every free minute you get for the first 48-72 hours messing with it.  You might even be tempted to overlook things that are normally a priority (like food or sleep) to discover all the great things about it.

I have discovered a few things, but one that is of particular interest to me.  I have discovered the wonderful world of Podcasts.  The two I have suscribed to are The Bible Podcast and Desiring God Radio.  I am pumped about both because I adore John Piper and because I can hear the Word ALL THE TIME!  I downloaded Genesis, Hebrews, John, and Romans.  They are starting Exodus, but I am going to attempt to catch up with them. 

So there you go.  I have nothing more to say.  I am going to play with my iPod now.

Outside of time

Stating the obvious.  If you are bored with the obvious, just stop reading now because that is precisely what I am about to do.  There are certain key phrases in my vocabulary like "it's just a crazy time of year" or I feel like I'm "flying by the seat of my pants" or "things should get back to normal soon."  What I have realized (and is OBVIOUS) is that busy is normal for me.  There is no such thing as a crazy time of year.  This is how I live my life. 

I finally finished reading "A Severe Mercy" last night.  And I cried like a baby.  I knew what this book was about when I started it.  I knew it was the author's recollections after the death of his wife, his love.  The ending was not a surprise at all.  And yet I wept.  But that's not the important part.

Vanauken (the author) traded letters with C.S. Lewis for years. It was Lewis who named his loss a severe mercy from the hand of God Himself.  They discussed many things over the years.  Last night one of those thoughts had me going for a while.  It was the idea of time and eternity.  He did not park there long in the book, but it was a thought worth mulling over a while.

Vanauken was remembering with fondness the moments that he and his wife shared together where they did not feel rushed or busy.  The times where time was not nagging them.  And I completely identified with him.  I love those times where there is no schedule, where you can stop and smell the proverbial roses (or some real roses... I do live in the "Rose capital of the world").  The point is that while I do intentionally keep a pretty full schedule, the most enjoyable times are spontaneous, laid-back, and with very little time constraints. 

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, or maybe I'm just hopeless, but I love to sit on the porch during a thunderstorm with a cup of coffee and just watch it... until I'm satisfied with watching.  Or sit by a fire with a good book and a blanket and read... until I'm tired of reading.  Things like spelunking and SCUBA diving and hiking have such appeal to me because what you really do is explore... until you are satisfied with what you have found. 

Alarm clocks make me nuts.  I hate being late.  Calendars leave me in dismay.  I'm usually that person being drug toward the door after church because it is time to go and I'm still talking to people.

What Vanauken pointed out is that we are not made for the temporal.  And yet that is where we currently reside.  That's why we constantly say things like, "Where has the time gone?" or "My, how time flies when you are having fun."  We sense that life really is a vapor.

We are made for the eternal.  There will come a time when we will literally have all the time in the world and yet my guess is that we won't be wasting any of it.  To take beings that will live in eternity and confine them to time, where death is the inevitable end, is for them to feel out of place.  To feel rushed and busy should feel uncomfortable.  I must say it made me a little homesick. 

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Singleness Does Not Equal Loneliness

I have somehow managed to get a tattoo on my forehead without my knowledge.  It says, "Please set me up with some random guy you know.  Preferably if he is a perpetual bachelor."  It is not visible to the naked eye, but there are apparently quite a few who have the eyes to see it.

Every weekend, people show up to retreat at camp.  I get to serve them and some of them I actually get to know a little.  This is not a new thing for me.  I have done this for almost four years now.  However, 2006 is proving itself to look different. 

So far this year, every weekend that people have been on our property, someone has offered to set me up with their __________.   They fill in the blank with things like: "my brother", "my neighbor", "my son", or "this guy at church who has a great sense of humor" (translated... can't hold a serious conversation and therefore can't hold a serious relationship.) Or, my personal favorite, they offer to be on the lookout for me.  Unsolicited help for my cause. While I appreciate their intentions (and have considered taking one or two of them up on it), it has occurred to me that there is a line of thought floating around that bothers me.  It is the line of thought that says you are not complete unless you are married.

It is not my intention to downplay marriage at all.  It is an amazing living parable of the relationship between Christ and the church and I would love to be married someday.  However, there is a tendency to think that singleness is a temporary state that one must move toward leaving as quickly as possible (Lord willing, of course). 

And I think about today - Valentine's Day - and how many people I know that have declared it SAD aka "Single Awareness Day".  I have to admit, I have been guilty of using that phrase before.  The tendency is to wallow in self pity about what is "missing" rather than thank and praise God that He has lavished His love on us through His Son.  And really, marriage is just the shadow.  It is temporal.  Christ is the real thing.  He is eternal.  And He satisfies in a way that no earthly relationship ever will.

So, in case you were wondering, my big plans tonight are to hang out with a group of single girls from work (there's probably about 15-20 of us) and have A LOT of fun.  I am so grateful for how many amazing friendships I have in my life right now.  And not just surface level relationships, but deep, meaningful, God-honoring friendships.  I'm really the least lonely I have ever been. 

Anyhoo, there's my babblings for Valentine's Day.  May you find yourself astonished at the condescending love of Christ and in awe of the depths of it. 

Give Me a "J"

I'll bet you didn't know that Jesus is a well-rounded, all American athlete. 

http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues.html